Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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