let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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