Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
