im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
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