Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
