They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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