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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
