Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
