i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
