Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
