i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
