If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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