I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
