Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
