I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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