You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
