She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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