maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
a search helicopter?!
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
