A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
