planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
