After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
