She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
