just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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