Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
