At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
