if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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