Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
