Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
