I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
