Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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