what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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