I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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