Already got asked if we're dating
I heard we made out
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
My life is pants optional.
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