toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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