went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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