So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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