He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
