Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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