please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
