My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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