Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
