I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
