I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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