I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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