I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
