i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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