Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
My life is pants optional.
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