and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
