morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Four minutes until I can fart!
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
MIDGETS
????
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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