My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
