I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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