My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
