I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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