It was confusing and full of hummus
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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