hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
that may or may not have been my penis.
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