I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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