Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
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