I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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