He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
