I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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