So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I will die if light touches me.
wanna go halves on a baby?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
