I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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