You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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