i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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