idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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