i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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