The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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