so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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