nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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