just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
he thought i was a dude.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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