The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
