We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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