dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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