I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
