Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
