She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
