its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
