I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
