im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
