I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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