I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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