Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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