Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
