If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
