I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
