My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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