His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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