Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
