I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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