It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
