My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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