i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
