dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
my poor anus
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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