oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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