whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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