You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
