i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
