She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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