You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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