you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
