u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
