I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I think I sprained my soul last night
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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