Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
