I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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