dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
