You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Even my vagina gasped.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
